It’s part II of my award-winning series on feeding! You’ve read my manifesto on shared feeding; this is how we’re doing it:
Newborn phase
Tee gave Buddy a bottle a day from week one. This was usually in the evening, as part of Midwife Cath’s famous ‘BBB’ routine, outlined previously. This meant more sleep but also peace of mind, knowing his survival did not depend on mine. When my mum made it over the border in week 4 (thanks COVID) we could leave Buddy with her for blocks of 3-4 hours.
When we started the BBB we bought a tin of formula to keep in the cupboard. I can’t recommend this highly enough. Even if you are committed to exclusive breastfeeding, knowing the tin is there removes all the stress about milk production – which can reduce production. It took us over 6 months to open the tin thanks to the magic of the Haakaa (in Australia sold by Milkbar Breastpumps). This little gadget attaches to the other breast while feeding, catching the let down – which can be copious at the start. It was enough for Buddy’s nightly bottle and to build a small freezer stash without pumping.
Early months
As Buddy started sleeping longer we moved from the BBB to a nightly dreamfeed. I slept around 8 and at 10.30pm Tee would feed Buddy without waking him. Wild. This was always faster with a bottle.
Buddy’s feeds got longer and my Haakaa-caught letdowns weren’t enough for a bottle a day. I used an electric breast pump, sometimes twice a day – in the morning (the most effective as milk production hormones increase overnight) and before going to bed. This also helped to increase production to meet Buddy’s growing appetite.
At three months I felt ready to return to swimming, but training sessions clashed with breastfeeding. We agreed I would skip the morning shift twice a week. On those days I wake early, pump, leave the bottle on the bench and walk out the door. At first it felt insane – voluntarily skipping sleep to sit in the dark and pump. But it is a great feeling to walk out that door, free as bird, and an even better one to come home 90 min later, physically exhausted but mentally recharged, to a happy, fed and changed baby and the equal partner who made it possible.
Return to work
I have an incredibly supportive workplace that would provide time and space for me to pump. And I’m not going to. Pumping sucks! The logistics alone, schlepping liquids back and forth – no way! So we’re switching to formula during the day. I’ll continue to feed at 7am and 6.30pm for a few months, maybe longer. Helpfully, six months is also the magic point when:
- Bottles don’t need to be sterilised*
- Water is safe to drink without boiling*
- Breastmilk is no longer nutritionally suficient, notably in iron.
- You’re starting solids, which means carrying around extra crap anyway (it’s not “grab a nappy and go”)
*Advice on this varies from 6-12 months. I’m going with 6 months because I’m in the business of doing less work. Time to get that immune system going, kid!
Reflections on this approach
Knowing Buddy could take a bottle reduced stress. I never worried about the prospect of missing the train, falling ill or a phone call from the Prime Minister or Nick Fury with a problem only I could fix. Everything was surmountable.
This also gave Tee longer stretches at home doing solo child care. As far as Buddy is concerned, we are interchangeable – and why shouldn’t we be? We’re equally his parents.
Next time I wouldn’t wait so long to crack open the formula. The only downside is smelly poo – worth it for less pumping and more freedom. I’d use formula for every dreamfeed and occasional substitutes. A mate uses formula for the 6pm feed every night – it’s when milk production is at its lowest anyway. She knows her baby is going to bed with a full stomach. And she can pop out any evening without preparation – or just read in bed with a book. (The one annoying thing about mixed feeding is that it has be consistent day-to-day; if you bottle feed as a once off you usually have to pump. If I only used formula on swimming days my breasts would explode and morning production might drop.)
I also wish I’d tried formula earlier so I knew Buddy would drink it. The worry that he wouldn’t was unnecessary background noise as I planned my return to work. And he does. Ravenously. Feels good.
Finally, bottle feeding gave Tee another domain, another area in which he has mastery and is leading the charge. As bottle maestro he bought the pump, identified when to move up a teat (older = faster flow), figured out formula and told me when the freezer stash was running low. In this area he holds the mental load and teaches me what I need to know and when. Onya Tee.